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[Error: unknown template qotd] At 19, visiting a friend in the nearest big city, a woman accosted me as I was getting on a bus, screaming, "Molly Ringwald! Kids, look, it's Molly Ringwald!" Her troupe of children came barreling after me, and I fled into the bus in a state close to terror. Unfortunately, as this was my first time riding the bus in Seattle, I didn't realize that, unlike my smalltown buses, it didn't just make a half-hour loop. If it had, I would have been back at my friend's apartment in about 15 minutes. Since it didn't, I rode around for 3 hours hoping to see something I recognized, at which point the driver kicked me off (nicely) and directed me to another bus going the right direction.

While I was pretty pleased that anyone thought I looked like Molly Ringwald, it was a pretty superficial resemblance. All Molly Ringwald and I had in common was 1) big lips, 2) dyed red hair, 3) girlness. Also, I am older than her, so technically she looks like me.

My grandmother claimed I look like Liza Minelli. I don't like this comparison one bit. It's because of her/my profile - I don't like hers, and I don't like mine. I want a nice big dent where my forehead meets my nose and I don't have one. I get Toni Colette for the same reason. I am less annoyed by this comparison, but I must note that I am aging much better than Toni Colette, thank you very much.

It's not a famous person, but a new clerk at the bookstore I used to go to 4-5 times a week was giving me very foul looks for no reason I could discern. This went on for a couple of weeks and finally he came up and said, "Jen, what's your problem?" I am not named Jen. Turns out, his sister was named Jen. His sister that he lived with. He was absolutely convinced that I was her, even arguing with me about it when we were inches apart. After showing him my ID, he believed me, and asked if I would be willing to meet his sister. Having a lifelong fascination with twins, doubles, duality, etc., I was very enthusiastic about the idea. When we did meet up, the resemblance was so superficial that his inability to tell us apart was more than a little creepy. What we had in common: 1) girl, 2) glasses, 3) tall, 4) thick hair, 5) pale. Different builds, different length and color of hair, different eye colors, absolutely no features in common, completely different style of dress, and completely different glasses, for that matter.

More recently, some other customers at the grocery store insisted I looked just like one of the salespeople in the foofy "wellness" department. Her husband happened to be there, and they dragged him over to look at me. It was a very awkward moment for both of us, as the enthusiastic shoppers crowed, "See? See? Isn't amazing?" He confessed he really didn't see the resemblance. The husband was there to pick up the girl after her shift, and the customers managed to convince her to come meet me, too. Upon seeing me, she was obviously insulted by the comparison, which was both amusing and annoying. She was quite short (borderline dwarfish), with blonde hair so thin you could see her scalp, and a truly enormous pair of breasts. I am tall, my hair is auburn and glorious, and I have no boobs to speak of. Apparently, it was the glasses (although completely dissimilar frames) and the fact that we each had our hair pulled back. Her hair was in one tail, mine in two, and she was very vocal about how she would never wear her hair that way. She then bolted in a seeming fury, her husband trailing after her looking helpless and apologetic. Thing is, despite being probably 20 years older, I'm pretty sure that I'm about 10x hotter than her except to those who like mammoth knockers. The urge to go after her and tell her as much was very strong, but I resisted. That's what those extra 20 years do for you - give you the maturity to avoid hot/not screaming matches with bitches who do not recognize your natural superiority. 
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February 2010

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