nixy

My poor left foot. It still aches quite a bit if I use it at all (which, since it's my FOOT, does tend to occur), and now I have injured it again. I picked up a huge splinter - more of a stake than a splinter, really - stumbling around in the dark. In a manner that defies the laws of physics, this devil's toothpick angled through my foot rather than the more usual along-ish direction. Since it broke off well under the skin, I had to perform a bit of self-surgery that was horrific (I really didn't need to see that far inside my own foot) and horrifically painful (obviously), and I'm back to limping again. I had been getting to the point of considering wearing some of my more daunting heels, but now it seems unlikely I will be ready for that until spring - if then. By that time, it's more than possible that I will have tripped over/fallen into/knocked against (insert obstacle with sharp corners here) and, assuming my foot stays attached, will instead be back in a walking boot with matching bad mood and handbag. Fuck.

This entire year has been a litany of fail. Falling down, fucking up, breaking things, losing track, missing out and missing the point. I'm very ready for something different to happen, but I've lost faith in my ability to make something different happen for myself without resultant loss of limb or property damage. It makes more sense to stay at home, where it's not really any safer, but at least no one can see me fail.